Friday, December 11, 2009

Plans That Were Based On My Own Strength

Dear God,

Two years after marrying DH, I still remember clearly when I planned on having children of my own. I thought I would be a perfect Mom. I knew I had to make a lot of sacrifices, but that time, I was pretty sure that it would just be easy, because I knew I would love my kids completely. I thought of being super consistent, so that my kids would be the perfect angel kids wherever they would go. On top of that, I had planned too, that I would be the prime example of a loving wife.

Over the years that went, I found out that it was easier said, and easier dreamed than done. In all my prideful and purposeful, and perfect planning, I completely forgot that it takes more than my own strength and self-will to do all those things so well -- especially when a lot of things in perfect parenting are contrary to my very nature! (Yes, Lord, I admit I am still very far from Your vision of what I ought to be, and that I am still a big, big work in progress)

Lord, please forgive me for not turning to You since the beginning... For not asking You to lead me, and for being so confident in taking the reigns solely in planning my life. I definitely need Your assistance if I am going to be a good, but not prideful Mom to my DS and DD. Please help me become more obedient, in allowing You to take the lead, to be my driver and decision-maker in everything I would do. And to trust You more in the blue print that You have prepared for me.

For by the grace given me I say to every one of you:
Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought,
but rather think of yourself with sober judgment,
in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.
Romans 12:3

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